TTC? 11 things a perinatal psychologist wants you to know
Consultant perinatal psychologist Julianne Boutaleb shares 11 expert tips for navigating the emotional realities of TTC, from anxiety to relationships.
Intro: Starting the journey to conceive is an exciting milestone, but from a psychological perspective, it is also a profound emotional and mental shift. Preparing your mind is just as important as preparing your body.
Here are the key psychological areas to think about and discuss with your partner (if partnered) as you begin trying to conceive (TTC):
1. Let go of rigid expectations
The modern world primes us to believe that if we plan perfectly and work hard, we can control the outcome, but conception rarely fits this timeline. Getting pregnant is ultimately a process that cannot be fully controlled. Accepting this early can significantly lower your anxiety.
2. Keep routines normal
Guard your identity outside of "trying to get pregnant". Keep up with hobbies, career goals, and social plans so your life doesn't pause entirely.
“Separate "sex for babies" from "sex for connection" if you can.”
3. Hold onto what you can control
Shift your focus toward proactive lifestyle steps you can control (like getting good sleep, reducing inflammation, or taking vitamins) rather than obsessing over the monthly test outcome.
4. Protect your relationship
The pressure to conceive can shift a relationship from collaborative to transactional, especially when intimacy becomes scheduled. Separate "sex for babies" from "sex for connection" if you can. Acknowledge early on that scheduled intimacy can sometimes feel awkward or performative, and make an effort to hold onto other gestures of affection and intimacy.
5. Check in on your partner
Partners often process stress or delay differently. One might want to analyse every data point, while the other might prefer a "wait and see" approach. Neither is wrong, but recognising that your ways of managing stress are different early prevents resentment.
6. Set "TTC-free" zones
Dedicate certain evenings or dinner dates where talking about ovulation windows, fertility tracking, or baby planning is completely off-limits.
“High stress and cortisol can indirectly disrupt sleep and reproductive hormones. Rely on sensory grounding tools.”
7. Validate the mixed emotions of trying to conceive
It is entirely normal to feel excited, terrified, impatient, and jealous of others all at once. Allow yourself to feel anger or grief if a cycle doesn't work out—repressing those feelings often worsens burnout.
8. Set social boundaries
Decide ahead of time how you will handle baby showers, family enquiries, or pregnant colleagues. It is perfectly healthy to decline events that feel too emotionally heavy right now.
9. Address any anxiety or stress triggers
High stress and cortisol can indirectly disrupt sleep and reproductive hormones. Rely on sensory grounding tools (like mindfulness, progressive muscle relaxation, or journalling) to steady your nervous system.
10. Agree on a timeline for trying
Discuss at what point you would want to seek professional fertility testing (usually after 12 months if under 35, or 6 months if over 35) so you are both on the same page. If you suspect that underlying gynaecological or health issues may be deterring your chances of conceiving, seek expert fertility support.
11. Seek specialist support
If you find that the process is triggering intense anxiety, low mood, or friction in your relationship, seeking out specialist support can be incredibly grounding. You can explore peer support forums through organizations like Fertility Action, or speak with a counsellor or psychologist to give you tailored coping strategies.
About the expert
Julianne Boutaleb is a Consultant Perinatal Psychologist and Founder of Parenthood In Mind, with over 24 years' experience across the NHS and private practice. She specialises in fertility challenges, reproductive loss, birth trauma and perinatal mental health.
Looking for more fertility support?
You don't have to navigate your fertility journey alone. Our registered nutritional therapists offer complimentary 1:1 nutritional check-ins, helping you feel informed, not overwhelmed.
For more expert advice and practical support, explore our Fertility Hub, or read The Fertility Disconnect, our landmark research exploring the challenges shaping fertility journeys today.
