Nurturing your libido & relationship

By NATASHA SILVERMAN, Relationship & Psychosexual Therapist

Your weight and wellbeing aren’t just about the numbers on a scale. They shape how you feel in your body, how you connect and how open you feel to pleasure, closeness, and intimacy. 

 

We’ve been sold the myth that libido should be spontaneous, effortless, and always “on” if you’re in a loving relationship, or have a “good” body. In reality, it’s far more nuanced - especially for women. Hormones have a tremendous impact, and we simply cannot expect our libido to be the same every day, year or even throughout our lifetime. 

On top, body image concerns, low self-esteem, and anxiety can act like “brakes” on desire. The goal isn’t to force desire to return - it’s to remove the brakes, slowly and gently. It’s about reconnecting with yourself. Here are my top 10 tips for building lasting connection and confidence from the inside out…

Start with self-compassion

Even if your partner is struggling with this. After all, if you’re not hungry, thirsty or in the mood for a movie every time your partner is, why would you be for sex? You’re not a robot whose sex drive can be switched on at the flick of a switch.

 

Intimacy starts with you

Before thinking about what your partner wants, pause and ask yourself: “When do I feel most at home in my body?” Maybe it’s after a warm bath, on a walk, or when your skin feels soft and cared for. Desire begins with safety and comfort in yourself.

 

Honesty over people-pleasing

Let your partner know, “I love you, but I’m not feeling comfortable in my body right now”. Honest, non-blaming conversations can deepen emotional intimacy.

Get to know yourself

Before thinking about what your partner wants, pause and ask yourself: “When do I feel most at home in my body?” Desire begins with safety and comfort in yourself.

 

Move for pleasure 

Gentle movement, like walking or dancing, can improve body image and mood, making intimacy feel more accessible.

 

Eat to feel steady

Balanced meals support energy and sex hormones - especially important if you're navigating blood sugar fluctuations.

 

Talk, don’t assume

If you're in a relationship, talk openly and gently about how you’re feeling emotionally and physically. Many couples silently drift apart during bodily changes, but conversation is key for reconnection.

 

Invest in non-sexual touch

Cuddling, massage, or hand-holding can reignite feelings of closeness, even when libido is low.

 

Support hormonal balance

Sleep, movement, and blood sugar regulation support testosterone, oestrogen, and mood - all of which impact intimacy and sexual function.

 

Healing happens through curiosity

If intimacy or self-pleasure brings up resistance, self-consciousness, or even disgust, that’s not a failure - it’s valuable information. Try asking, “What do I need to feel safer or more present right now?”

 

Natasha Silverman is a COSRT registered relationship & psychosexual therapist, coach and speaker. She works with couples, individuals and singles, offering a warm, caring and non-judgmental space to talk openly and confidentially. Find her at https://natashasilverman.com, Instagram and Facebook.